Supporting Traumatised Children in Education: What pupils, parents, and carers need you to hear

"They’re safe now – why are they still acting like this?"
"They were fine yesterday."
"They need consequences to behave and therefore learn."

These are questions that parents and carers hear all too often. They’re not always asked unkindly—in fact, in my experience, educators care deeply. But when a child’s behaviour is misunderstood, even the best-intentioned systems can become another source of distress for traumatised children.

So, what do children who’ve experienced trauma—and their families—need educators to really hear?

1️⃣ Trauma Doesn’t Turn Off at the School Gates

Even when children are physically safe, their bodies and brains may still be stuck in survival mode.

⚠️ Hypervigilance, mistrust, emotional overwhelm, and shutdown aren’t choices—they’re adaptations.

Trauma changes how a child experiences the world, and those responses don’t simply disappear because they’ve stepped into a classroom.

2️⃣ Relationships Regulate

❤️ Connection isn’t a reward for good behaviour—it’s the foundation for it.

Traumatised children learn to trust adults through consistent, co-regulated experiences—one calm, curious, and kind response at a time.

When a child feels seen and safe with the adults around them, their nervous system begins to relax, making room for learning and growth.

3️⃣ “Challenging” Behaviour Is Often Protective

That child pushing everyone away? They might be testing if you’re safe.
That young person lashing out? They may be terrified.

🛑 Punishments won’t heal fear—consistent relational safety will.

When we reframe “challenging” behaviour as protective behaviour, we can begin to understand what that child is trying to communicate and how best to support them.

4️⃣ Transitions, Change & Uncertainty = Big Triggers

An unexpected staffing change.
A missed breakfast.
A last-minute timetable shift.

All of these seemingly small disruptions can spiral into dysregulation for a traumatised child.

🔍 Curiosity helps us shift from “What’s wrong with them?” to “What happened to them?”

By understanding the underlying triggers, we can create more predictable routines and supportive environments that minimise unnecessary stress.

5️⃣ Shame Shuts Down Learning

📉 Being repeatedly removed, excluded, or singled out only reinforces a child’s deepest fear: “I don’t belong.”

Inclusion isn’t just about attendance—it’s about creating felt safety and ensuring every child knows they matter.

6️⃣ Parents and Carers Aren’t Being Overprotective—They’re Advocating

They’ve seen the meltdown after school.
They know the backstory.
They’re carrying more than you realise.

🤝 When they ask for more support, it’s because they need a team.

Parents and carers are vital partners in supporting traumatised children. Their insights can help bridge the gap between home and school, ensuring the child receives consistent, compassionate care.

What Can Schools Do?

✨ Get curious, not furious.
✨ Prioritise regulation before learning.
✨ Offer connection, not just correction.
✨ Create predictable routines and soft landings.
✨ Listen to parents and carers—they’re part of the team.
✨ And above all, remember: behaviour is communication.

Trauma-Aware Teaching Isn’t a “Soft” Approach—It’s a Strong One

A trauma-informed approach helps children feel safe enough to learn, belong, and thrive.

When we shift our mindset from managing behaviour to understanding the needs behind it, we create environments where every child, regardless of their past, has the chance to flourish.

Together, we can make schools a place of safety, connection, and healing for the children who need it most.

✨ Let’s continue building classrooms where children aren’t just expected to cope but are given the support they need to grow.